Well, wouldn’t you know it? It’s already that time of year again….
That time of year when little kids all over Amorica start wanting a bunch of crap you couldn’t afford the other 11 months. The time of year when you are suddenly compelled to buy that person who you don’t know at work some crap “but keep it under $20!”… The time of year when you got to give your boss, who makes, lets say, at least 2 or 3 or 5 times as much as you, a gift. The time of year when you can sponsor this person, help that person, and basically constantly shell out money.
It’s also the time of year for eating. And eating. Aaaand more eating. At dinners, parties, dinner parties, soirees, shing dings, team lunches, team dinners, team snacks, your lover’s team lunches, team dinners, team snacks, and the flood of homemade comfort foods.
It’s time again for Kwanzaa.
I know what you are thinking…
T-dog… don’t you mean xmas?
Fuck no. Xmas is dead, man. You can find Santa’s cholesterol-ridden corps right next to Jesus’s. Xmas used to be something. It used to be about commercialism, about getting cabbage patch kids and a transformer or two. But it’s done changed. It’s all smartphones and other smartphones. It’s about iPads and other useless “tweener” gadgets. It’s about gift certificates because what the hell else can you give someone who don’t need nothing except the joy of going out and getting more crap? No, fuck Xmas, I’m moving on to Kwanzaa.
It’s my heritage anyway, so why the hell not, right? It seems to combine what I love when I practiced Judaism during that one year in college (oh my crazy college years) and the date around Xmas so I’m naturally in holiday mode already! Unlike Chanukah which lard only knows when that is each year…
No, I’m sticking with Kwanzaa. It’s something I can get behind. It’s about love. About candles. There’s fruit involved somehow…
Who doesn’t like fruit & candles and maize? Seriously, I don’t think there’s enough miles possible in the year to kill off the calories these fair-weather christians throw at me every year. Always something dipped in chocolate with peanut butter in it…. YOU KNOW THAT’S MY WEAKNESS!!!
Well, I’m about to go hop on the bike for another billion miles in the snow to try to dump this spare tire. So, while I’m out there, and while you head out to the malls to run with the cattle for some last minute smartphones, before you go, looky what we got here. Our good friend and mixologist nobleybones has once again donned us with his gay apparel, fa la la la laaaa la la la laaaa with another sweet ass Xmas cheer mixtape full of 80 proof goodness! Here’s what you need to do, throw this bad boy on yer iPod, go ahead and head out to the maw-maw, turn this bad boy on full blast and slowly make your way through the mess.
Watch as the herds become bit players in a weird surreal holiday video (it will even be in 3D). Laugh as Velvet Underground sings “Jesus” while some soccer mom fights over the last Pillow Pet
Get done, make your way home, load it up there while throw a little brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and a giant bottle of red wine on the stove for some Vin Chaud, then sip and enjoy the pending forced quiet of Xmas before you pack up the family and do it all over again on Sunday — yay returns! yay gift card!
Merry Kwanzaa everybody as…
The TSURURADIO Community Presents..
1. Little Hands – Beck & Wilco
2. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing – Casiotone for the Painfully Alone
3. Christmas Time (Is Here Again) – Liverpudlian Lads
4 White Crismas (Reggae Version) – Bob Marley y The Wailers
5 Ginger Snaps – Dean & Britta
6 Winter Rose – The Bees
7 Everything Is One Big Christmas Tree – The Magnetic Fields
8 Holiday Face – Dent May
9 Just Like Christmas – Low
10 Your Christmas Whiskey – Minus 5
11 Snow Days – Real Estate
12 Egg Nogg – Luna
13 Gin Rummy – Nellie McKay
14 Jewish Curses – Tom Waits
15 Jesus – The Velvet Underground
16 Christmastime In The Mountains – Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy
17 Transcendental Light – The Black Lips
18 Behind That Locked Door – George Harrison
19 Graycourt – The Love Language
20 White Christmas (Skiffle Version) – The Cotton Jones Basket Ride
21 Snowalker – Pepper Rabbit
22 Snowstorm – Galaxie 500
23 Happy New Year – Camera Obscura
24 Same Time Next Year – Paul McCartney
The TSURURADIO Community!