Waxing Poetically – Vinyl Sucks

Here I am. The man from dysonsound who rants on and on all over the web about how much I love vinyl. And now I’m coming at you to bust this big myth that everything sounds better on vinyl. This is FALSE, people. I hate to break it to you, but it’s true. And sorry for the shocker of a title. You know I love my precious wax. But here are the reasons why it sucks and why it’s amazing.

God DAMN those 12″ motherfucking pieces of wax are something to behold. To quote a friend, “It all about the heft and the shape” (yeah yeah, that’s what she said) But it’s true. How does holding an mp3 in your hands feel? Try and answer THAT one homeslices. I pull the wrapping off a new piece of wax and take a second just to hold it in my hands. Recorded music carved into these fine grooves that I can physically see. Still blows my mind every time I pull a record out of it’s sleeve.

Not all vinyl is made equal. If bands just want to push their album onto vinyl because everyone else is, they’re probably not going to take the appropriate steps to master it for this medium. Or record it for this medium. It’s a science that I’ll save for a later post. But I saw a Katy Perry record in the shop the other day and had to chuckle. I’m sure it was mastered for vinyl but WHY?? That shit’s gonna sound too processed and lame. Not something I walked out with.

IT’S FUN! Seriously. Sitting on the ground, flipping through my collection with my legs starting to ache a little bit when I can’t find the perfect album for the mood. I love that shit! And waiting so impatiently for that tuesday when I can head to the record store to pick up the latest release (and then walk out of there with 3 more goodies I didn’t expect to get). It’s not the same cheap thrill as finding out a new record leaked just to hear some low quality form of an artist’s precious work. I gotta sit on my hands and wait for that tuesday to run to the new releases section and quickly snatch up the wax I’ve been waiting for. Then having it stare at me all day long at work until I can run through my door and throw it on the table.

It’s like crack but more expensive. Do I need to go any further?

sorry to leave you so abruptly, Side A of King of Limbs just finished, gotta go flip that sexy bitch!

4 comments for “Waxing Poetically – Vinyl Sucks

  1. Funback Joe
    March 30, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    I can definitely relate to the aching legs sensation. It ratchets up the tension of the decision, and is almost like your knees are mocking you for not being able to pick the right record.

    Its a strange thing to like, but I am right there with you.

  2. March 30, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    It’s too expensive – I don’t want it for free but $18-$26 dollars just isn’t affordable when you have a music addiction. Get prices down to $10-$15 and I’m in.

  3. March 30, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    I love just the search. It’s even more rewarding going into a record store that sells used records. They’re cheap, and there’s something about buying another person’s record that is so exciting.

  4. March 31, 2011 at 1:24 AM

    @dysonsound – sitting here contemplating: I think I’d love a 180g white & pink swirled 12″ of “California Gurls,” actually. just for the freak factor of it. i feel like i’ve established a mission for the coming year now; let the search begin!

    @RTT – “there’s something about buying another person’s record that is so exciting”… if you replace records with underwear, I’m right there with you.

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