Schlomo & Jesus, The Nutcracker Ballet, & The TSURURADIO Community Presents… Nobleybones’ Rolling Dice With Christ Xmas Mixtape

How about that post yesterday, eh? Pretty epic! Yeah. Well, today’s post serves as the perfect denouement to yesterday’s climatic & dramatic filled musicfest as we got a pretty bad ass yet chill holiday-inspired mixtape from Society member Nobleybones to share with you.

Now personally, I got to admit. I don’t like xmas music, but I feel the need to qualify & explain. I’m not talking about the music on today’s mixtape, I’m talking about the crap they play at the mall or every stupid retail store, at this time of year, normally earlier and earlier every year. It all just sounds sooooo contrived. Step one, insert jingle bells noise. Step two, pep up the beat. Step three, sing about being “home” for xmas, santa, jesus, or something blatantly xmas related. OR the other route, cover the same same same same xmas songs the exact same same same same way for the 1,322,781,522th time. Who’s the hot young female Top 40 artist right now? Taylor something? Great, let’s have her cover “Silent Night” or something slow “meaningful” and shows her vocal range. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………………….

It doesn’t help that I don’t follow the whole Jesus thing anyway. I’m not anti-Christian, but I’m certainly not a Christian. Add into that all the pagan crap that Christianity co-opted for the holiday and how our dear Jews got into the act by doing their damnedest to make Channukah as xmas-like as possible, then Kwanzaa, then blah blah blah.

It’s such a funny little thing we do, these funny little rituals. It’s religion, it’s beliefs, morality, life rules, death and the afterlife, I’m not sure what a coloured glass ball hanging on a pine tree has to do with it? Funny shit.

Can you imagine if Jesus was real, was the true messiah or whatever, and while he was out preaching, holding shabbats & seders, talking about how he’s about to take one for the team, and one of his disciples approaching him…

“Hey Jesus!”

“Oh, hey there Schlomo, didn’t see you come up, what’s up?”

“I just had the best idea! You know how you are going to be crucified and left for dead all bloody on that cross next week, and then you are going to do your whole ‘tada! I told you I was the messiah’ proof thing when you resurrect then float off to Heaven to hang with your old man?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Well, I’m thinking, you know as a way to commemorate you and whatnot, for your birthday, well, not really your birthday, but I know you love winter, so actually about 8 months after your birthday, we’ll decorate some trees with lights, hang a bunch of shiny crap on it, and then tell the kids about this wonderful fat man in a red suit who will bring presents to them if they are really good (even though he’ll bring presents either way)!”

*awkward silence*

“Well, what do you think?”


Yeah, awkward indeed. Speaking of awkward…

Now, I’m not a total Grinch, I do love giving and receiving presents and taking free vacation days at work, so call it Throw Feces At Pedestrians Day and I’m in! Just let’s not pretend to suddenly give a shit about “god” while stomping over that 43 year-old woman in her pajamas at 4:30 am at Walmart to get the last Tickle-Me-Cabbage-Patch-Transformer.

But, since it “tis the season”, and people like their repetitions, er, I mean traditions, the Columbus BalletMet (surprisingly NOT pronounce “Bal-LAY MAY”) has had their Nutcracker Ballet production on

and last night Baby and I had a date night and went to check it out, get our high brow on!

It’s been about 2 1/2 to 3 DECADES since I last went to a ballet and I think it was the Nutcracker as well, so I was pretty excited to check it out! So, over $100 dollars (that’s $46 + various ticketmaster fees, joy) and a little Subway for dinner (yeah, our date nights are pretty epic), it was on.

Here’s what $46 + fees will get you:

$46 view

First balcony, 2nd section back, 2nd row back, and enough leg room for Gary Coleman or Emmanuel Lewis (I’m 6′ 1″). The seats & the view were fine. The ballet itself was a lot of fun, though a bit distracting. I found it interesting that when the performance isn’t, you know, a ballerina dancing, when it’s a “scene”, like the xmas party going on in the first act, man, it’s a hot mess of activity! People “running” around on stage, “acting” in an exaggerated pantomime but kinda dancing at the same time. Really odd, but definitely fun!

The ballet was very good, but was it a “good ballet”? Did the dancers do a good job? No clue. I’m not one of these people;

Nor do I want to be. But we definitely enjoyed it! Well… there was one thing that bugged me. Sitting to my left, 2 seats over (the seat next to me was vacant, thank gawd, gave me a little extra leg room), was a woman who felt it vital to fuck around with her blackberry for half the show.


Here’s a photo of her and the “crackberry”, taken during the intermission, not during the show because…


Yeah, so every few minutes, my peripheral vision would be hit with the glow of a blackberry and I’d here that subtle little klickity noise as she’d email (maybe tweet) back. Why would you spend $46 to watch half a ballet and fuck around with a blackberry you already own and pay a data plan to have???

No clue.

It’s funny. I thought the rude “concert goers” were exclusive to low-brow indie-rock shows. Boy was I ignorant.


Anyways. A great date night, even with the crackberry-ho, epic even. But with yesterday’s music fest and last nights date awesomeness, it’s time to take it down a notch and “ring in the holidays” properly and in a very non-mall-xmas-music way. Thankfully, we got Nobleybones and this delightfully low-key mixtape, Rolling Dice With Christ.

Loading up a holiday mixtape, I pushed play with a cringe on my face, prepared for a slathering of jingle-bell jingle-bell jingle-bell crap, but oh my was I so happy with Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci quiet acoustic guitar set the tone and set my phasers on “ahhhhhhhhhhh….” The tone carries on with Noah and on and on for the entire 21 track mix.

Yeah, every now and then, it gets a liiiiittle “jesus-y” for me, but that’s okay, I guess he is the “reason for the season”, right? So it’s all good.

Thank you so much Nobley! Wonderful mixtape!! But now it’s your turn to enjoy and get yer xmas on as…

The TSURURADIO Community Presents…

Nobleybone’s Rolling Dice With Christ Xmas Mixtape!!!

(Full Zip)

1. Christmas Eve by Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci

2. To Cyril At Crunkmas by Noah and the Whale

3. Calling And Not Calling My Ex by Okkervil River

4. Christmas In Baghdad by Black Lips

5. Be Thankful For What You Got <>

6. Jullaten 2004 by Suburban Kids With Biblical Names

7. Cold White Christmas by Casiotone For The Painfully Alone

8. Evergreen by The Fiery Furnaces

9. In the Bleak Mid Winter by Bert Jansch

10. Mrs Cold by Kings Of Convenience

11. Coldest Night Of The Year by Vashti Bunyan

12. The Blizzard by Camera Obscura

13. Razor Love by Neil Young

14. Bonfires On The Heath by The Clientele

15. 7 O’Clock News / Silent Night by Simon & Garfunkel

16. Three Sixteen by The Weight

17. Weeping Mary by Elvis Perkins In Dearland

18. If I Were A Carpenter by Sweet Tea

19. Into My Arms by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

20. Lullaby & Exile by M. Ward

21. His Master’s Voice by Monsters Of Folk

Hear something you like? Go buy it! It’s the fucking holidays, man!! lol!



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