And something didn’t feel right…

Yay for free wireless at aiports! Greetings from the Phoenix Aiport where I’m listening to Islands (again) after just watching their video for “Creeper” posted above. Nutty video with a mix of 90’s and 80’s music video-ness going on with the silly “computer graphics” and the super sit still slow motion stuff. Early Spike Jonze meets a Cars video (uh-oh, it’s maaagic!)… Fun stuff.

It’s all you can do to pass the time at an airport. We travel alot. Between work and our personal trips, we find ourselves in airports all the time. It’s a love/hate thing, love the fact I can be 2,000 miles away in just a few hours, but hate that I can spend a greater amount of time going to, sitting in, or trying to leave an airport than I do in the air. I think it’s actually quicker for us to drive to Toronto from Columbus than fly when you take in account all the extra time you need to check in, go through security, make sure you’re early enough for the “just in case” shit, then land, go through customs, immigration, get your luggage, car, etc. Oh well, I guess that’s just part of it.

One thing about airports, you really get to observe everything, it’s an insane cacophony of human nature. Everyone’s here… Sure, it’s disproportionate to business travelers (and man, business traveler attire hasn’t changed in at least 10 years!) but beyond that just about everyone’s represented. You got the cranky confused old folks, you’ve got this Japanese goth-style guy standing, literally, in the middle of the walkway with a blue tooth wrapped around his ear….. yet, he’s on a different phone that’s he’s holding up to his ear.


You’ve got the LA wanna-be “hawt” girls in their PJ-tracksuits and their “boyfriends” who are more coiffed than anyone person should be, especially for 7-something AM. You have the occasional Middle Eastern or Indian man walking about and usually some ignorant white couples giving them a weary double-take. Goodness…

My other personal fave? The tapered-leg light washed jean wearing, with black leather belt, and white graphic t-shirt (tucked in) and a pair of big white sneakers on. Of course he has a brick of a cell phone hanging onto that belt. Very popular look, back in Tampa, sometime during the 90’s, they haunted the malls (usually a Nascar shirt for some reason).

I think one of my favourite things is that we are all pretty equal at the airport. Sure, there’s first class lines, and they get to board first, and you got the member lounges here and there…. wait, hold one, just saw a forty-something mom bend over with a MASSIVE back tattoo, THAT was surprising. Looks can be deceiving, eh? Yeah, I’m kinda live-blogging. Where was I, oh yeah, earlier, I waited to get my coffee until I was all checked-in, settled-in, etc. and there it was, my salvation, the thick, rich Starbucks coffee, waiting for me (you really don’t want to see me before my coffee, I know it’s a cliche, but it ain’t pleasant). Anyways, the line was literally a good 20 minutes long or so? And it had everyone, some old dude wearing really fashionable Euro business clothes, some scraggle monsters, you average shmoe, me, all in line, like a herd of cattle, waiting for our coffee.

People order some fucked up drinks. For the record, I drink coffee, the thicker, the darker, the more bitter, the better, but man the orders coming from the people in line, what the fuck is all that? half-splash decaf mock-e-otto, oh and can you put no whip, skinny, and blow kisses on it? Yeah, so after 20+ minutes of this, the woman in front of me makes it to the register, and her “coffee” is ready, and she asks, “are the scones fresh?”. Now, there was a stack of scones built up in the glass display, obviously set up for the morning rush, ready to rock and roll. What did she think? That they were just an old stack of scones? Have you ever been to a Starbuck’s before? And even if they were old, the woman serving you was running around like a rabbit, do you think she’d toss out a, “welllll, actually, they ARE yesterday’s scones”, so that you can then be thrown into a purgatory of indecisivenss? Oh no, does that mean the Toffee Almond Bars weren’t made twenty minutes ago? The implications? The whole system would’ve gone haywire!

Fortunately, they were “fresh”, she got her scone and left. I got my coffee, decided I’d have a fresh scone myself, and you know what… it tasted like every other damn cinnamon scone I ever got at a Starbucks, that is, it tasted just fine.

Oh hey, a new Nascar is sucking down a Sprite, in a black Penzoil nascar shirt? and very very dirty Michigan sweats (and white sneakers). He’s got a hard cover Star Wars book on the ground by his feet where he stands waiting to board a flight to Tampa. Hmm… blond mustache and very balding. Probably my age, but decidedly older.


I have no point to today’s post, if you haven’t noticed by now. Just killing time. Well, here’s a pretty & tall flat-chested redhead wearing a push-up bra that just can’t be comfortable. Embrace what you got, ladies! If guys only cared about big titties, then do you really think that’s the guy for you?

Titties are titties so why should it be.. you and I should get along so awfully!

Well, that was interesting, just had a airport employee, a small young woman, pulling, with great effort, a cart full of containers across the carpetted walkway, she was leaning at a 45 degree angle to break the inertia, and get to her destination. And during this valiant effort she balanced an iced Starbucks something on the containers and was texting with her non-pulling hand. Talent folks.

An “LA woman” just walked by in loafers, saw some at Tempe Marketplace this weekend. Are they trending? Top-siders? Loafers? Seriously? Fortunately, my chucks never go out of style. The only question is when am I too old to wear them. For those of you saying “now!”, I hope you are wrong.

No no…. don’t sit next to me! Shit. Big dude, probably 50, looks about 60, with a bowl cut and a similar outfit I described earlier, this time, not a t-shirt, we got a printed pique polo, still got the cell phone on the belt, oh but the shoes have upgraded to the super-comfy slip on travel shoes. Business traveler I think, lord knows what he’s peddling. Wearing a class ring, never bought one of those, wouldn’t know what to do with it if I did. It’s hard to identify with a school because I happened to be born in that town or it was the only University I could afford to go to….

Oooh.. Silk shirt at 10 o’ clock! Black with blue panels. And sunglasses, indoors… always a sweet look!

Pleated jeans just walked by. Wrinkle-free, I bet.

My new neighbor just hocked up something and now he’s changing seats. Getting closer to the boarding door for our flight. He’s ready to pounce onto our plane! Phew, I feel a little less clausterphobic.

I wonder though… how do I look to all these people? Do they look at me, big hair, blue jeans, black converse, blue oxford, big black hair and glasses, ipod attached to my ears, typing away on a laptop with a indecypherable bumper sticker for Redletter1 on it, and think I look like an idiot? Or like some wanna-be? or just stupid?

Take the guy walking by now, with hemmed jean shorts and printed button-up shirt, did he see me and laugh in his head a little? Or the kid standing by a column, looking a little like Clay Aiken, with shiny shoes, distressed jeans, and a black faux-faded t-shirt for something called “Rugby”, sporting a gangly carry-on (seriously, it’s huge). He’s reading USA today and has in his left ear an iPod bud, and in his right ear, a blue tooth device. He’s ready to receive a call, ready to pounce on an incoming…. Did he just pick apart my look and make a judgement about me? Am I a hipster to him (an aging one, that is) or a dork/geek/whatever, or just a boring tool?

Not sure. I’d like to think my self-awareness and my ability to observe my surroundings is a little more remarkable than average, but is it really? Maybe we all walk around with the exact same type of thoughts, that what we are doing, what we believe in, is the way it is, and the rest of us, just don’t get it.

But then I look back at our little Clay Aiken kid who’s looking for success in the business section of USA today by the column and realize that with that right ear bud just hanging there, like a limp dick, sending out the right side of whatever he’s “listening to” into his crotch (ironically), that there’s no way he’s me, I’m not him. It is not one world…

Dear god, the person standing to right of me and the person who just sat to the left of me are having a conversation through me. And a third from their group just showed up. Okay, I think I’m going to go pee…

Have a great day, my friends…. Will talk (and share) more soon!

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